Discover the 90/10 Principle….. July 27, 2007
Posted by TiDeS in Friendship, Life, Thought Provoking, ebooks, psychoanalysis.1 comment so far
Author: Stephen Covey
It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? ……….By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don’t let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let’s use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is “D”.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time”. Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don’t have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It CAN change your life!!!
Enjoy….
Power and Seduction: Baudrillard, Critical theory and Psychoanalysis July 17, 2007
Posted by innqubus in ebooks, psychoanalysis.add a comment
This essay presents a condensed version of an argument about the sign, the object and the symbol. Its purpose, then, is to suggest how psychoanalytic thought, particularly “object-relations theory”, may provide a way out of the stalemate in critical theory
The theory of reification, although essential to critical theory, is itself based on intellectualized reifications of what it means to be a “subject”. and not an object.The traditional theory of reification is described in the light of Baudrillard’s work and then rejected in favour of another which views reification as an obsessional project of closing down or emptying out “potential space”.
A Psychological view: Is Casual or Committed Sex More Passionate? June 5, 2007
Posted by innqubus in Love, Sex, Thought Provoking, psychoanalysis.add a comment
Familiarity – or too much intimacy – can kill passion, making casual sex more exciting than committed sex for some people.
Casual sex is risky, mysterious, and sometimes full of urgency. It’s exciting because feelings of chemistry and conquest are alive; there are elements of fear, adventure and unlimited possibilities. The sympathetic nervous system is on full alert, blood pressure is high, and heart rate is racing.
In casual sex, the moment is all you have. You’re not worried about what your partner thinks of you and you’re not concerned about what you think of them. You don’t have to fear rejection, and you can engage in fantasies and personas you wouldn’t normally consider. There may still be a sense of responsibility and even care, but there isn’t usually a commitment.
And there’s no intimacy to kill the mood.
For some, knowing too much about your partner is a turnoff. Emotional intimacy makes you vulnerable and open for rejection, hurt, and even attack. It render you powerless to protect your heart and mind, and that may not get – or keep – the engines humming.
Committed sex usually involves knowledge of one another: personalities mesh, habits are explored, quirks familiar, and hopes and dreams shared. For most couples, intimacy leads to heightened sexual attraction and more physical expressions of love and commitment. Sexual experimentation is more likely, and sexual satisfaction achieved more often. The focus in committed sex is usually deeper connections and more emotional satisfaction (and maybe an orgasm or two).
So, is committed or casual sex better?
It depends on you: your past, your perspective, and your preferences. Some people view committed sex with as much distaste as others view casual sex – it really is a matter of personal opinion and choice.
As with most issues, it’s not black and white; there is a continuum. The mystery, urgency, and risk of casual sex at one end of the spectrum gradually morphs into the trust, intimacy, and mind-body-soul connection of committed sex.
Your end of the spectrum is determined by your personality, past experiences, and psyche.
Courtesy: Laurie PK
Just Three WORDS May 28, 2007
Posted by TiDeS in Life, Love, Thought Provoking, psychoanalysis.1 comment so far
There are many things that you can do to strengthen your relationships. Often the most effective thing you can do involves saying just three words. When spoken sincerely, these statements often have the power to develop new friendships, deepen old ones and even bring healing to relationships that have sourerd.
The following three-word phrases can be tools to help develop every relationship.
1. Let me help
Good friends see a need and then try to fill it. When they see a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they jump in and help out.
2. I understand you
People become closer and enjoy each other more when the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know – in so many little ways – that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship. And this can apply to any relationship.
3. I respect you
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect demonstrates that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds and become closer friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.
4. I miss you
Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other “I miss you.” This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved. Consider how important you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say “I miss you.”
5. Maybe you’re right
This phrase is very effective in diffusing an argument. The implication when you say “maybe you’re right” is the humility of admitting, “maybe I’m wrong”. Let’s face it. When you have an argument with someone, all you normally do is solidify the other person’s point of view. They, or you, will not likely change their position and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying “maybe you’re right” can open the door to explore the subject more. You may then have the opportunity to express your view in a way that is understandable to the other person.
6. Please forgive me
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
7. I thank you
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don’t take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.
8. Count on me
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship. It is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating “you can count on me.”
9. I’ll be there
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase “I’ll be there.” Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.
10. Go for it
We are all unique individuals. Don’t try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how far out they seem to you. God has given everyone dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams.
All credits for this post goes to a girl who has posted this in her community. If you wanna see her post check this out.. Symbiotica
Two Minute Training – Good one to think about…!! May 5, 2007
Posted by TiDeS in India, Thought Provoking, psychoanalysis.add a comment
As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
“Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.
They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” I was amazed.
These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?
DOES THIS MAKE YOU THINK. . . . . .
Why do we LIE..??? March 22, 2007
Posted by TiDeS in Thought Provoking, psychoanalysis.3 comments
Why Lie?
Why would you deliberately give someone the wrong impression? What would make you alter or exaggerate the facts? Why would you present a false picture?
Whether you call them white lies, fibs, half-truths or exaggerations, lying is lying.
For example, you spill some water on your office’s copy machine and it makes a funny sound. Just as you leave the room to find a towel, your boss walks in and tries to make a copy.
He says, “Hey! Why isn’t the copier working? And who spilled this water?”
You shrug and mumble, “Don’t know” as your face turns red.
You wonder, “Why did I just lie to my boss?”
“Lies are told because one is afraid of the consequences* should one tell the truth.” — L. Ron Hubbard (*consequences = effects, results)
You cannot face what will happen, so you lie. You are afraid of the consequences for telling the truth, such as these:
* You might hurt your status
* You will look stupid
* Someone will get angry at you.
* You would have to admit you were wrong or that you made a mistake
However, lying does not protect your status or make people like you.
Results of Lying
Lying causes anxiety, depression and physical illness. You constantly worry your lies will be revealed. Keeping your stories straight requires a lot of work.
After you lie to someone, you will not like being around that person. Lies ruin friendships, work relationships and marriages.
If someone catches you lying, he or she won’t easily believe you again. Losing trust and respect is a much worse consequence than telling the truth in the first place.
How to Tell the Truth Despite the Consequences
You lie because you are afraid of what might happen, if you tell the truth. You’re afraid you can’t handle the consequences. But then the lie becomes a problem and you suffer worse consequences.
So instead of worrying about the consequences as your first priority, tell the truth as your first priority and deal with the consequences as your second priority.
1. Tell the truth.
2. Immediately face the consequences.
3. Relax.
Teams & succesful innovations March 6, 2007
Posted by TiDeS in psychoanalysis.1 comment so far
In 1981 Roger Sperry received the Noble Prize for developing the Split Brain theory. According to Sperry , the Brain’s two hemispheres have different but overlapping functions. The right and left hemispheres of the brain both specialize in particular kinds of thinking processes.
|
Left Hemisphere |
Right Hemisphere |
Logic Intuition
Sequential Images
Verbal Visual
Linear Spatial
Analytical Creative
Reasoning Holistic
Explicit Color
Calculation Emotion
Innovators need to develop both the sides of their brains to become succesful.
The Right side to get the initial idea and breakthrough and the Left side to actually develop the idea.
However, in Innovative Organizations things can be different.
Have a innovative team with
- Some team member with Right brain developed more
- Some team member with Left brain developed more
- All team members with a Big Heart !!
The crux of a succesful innovative team is to have a well developed heart as well, so that every body in the team share the spoils equally.
In summary, Innovative team are : Right Brain , Left Brain and a Big Heart!!
Melancholia January 23, 2007
Posted by innqubus in Thought Provoking, psychoanalysis.add a comment
Hmm…. I was thinking about this topic from many months from now. Finally, i decided to scribble something on it. I don’t know whether i am suffering from it or not as i am yet to decide whether i am really indecisive or not! This usually happens to me lot of times. I am gloomy without any particular reason. I am always hoping for a change from the current and fearing for that change at the same time. I am always comfortable with things which i had felt it’s no longer good to continue with it.
Boredom is rather an understatement for my activities. Ennui may be the right one though. Well, this mood disorder is characterized by low levels of enthusiasm and low levels of eagerness for activity.
While surfing the net, i found some Upsides and flipsides of Melancholia. Take a look at it.
Upside of Melancholy
The Melancholy’s Emotions
* Deep and thoughtful
* Analytical
* Serious and purposeful
* Genius prone
* Talented and creative
* Artistic or musical
* Philosophical and poetic
* appreciative of beauty
* Sensitive to others
* Self-sacrificing
* Conscientious
* Idealistic
The Melancholy At Work
* Schedule oriented
* Perfectionist, high standards
* Detail conscious
* Persistent and thorough
* Orderly and organized
* Neat and tidy
* Economical
* Sees the problems
* Finds creative solutions
* Needs to finish what he starts
* Likes charts, graphs, figures, lists
The Melancholy As a Friend
* Makes friends cautiously
* Content to stay in background
* Avoids causing attention
* Faithful and devoted
* Will listen to complaints
* Can solve other’s problems
* Deep concern for other people
* Moved to tears with compassion
* Seeks ideal mate
Fl!ps!de of Melancholy
The Melancholy’s Emotions
* Remembers the negatives
* Moody and depressed
* Enjoys being hurt
* Has false humility
* Off in another world
* Low self-image
* Has selective hearing
* Self-centered
* Too introspective
* Guilt feelings
* Persecution complex
* Tends to hypochondria
The Melancholy At Work
* Not people oriented
* depressed over imperfections
* Chooses difficult work
* Hesitant to start projects
* Spends to much time planning
* Prefers analysis to work
* Self-deprecating
* Hard to please
* Standards often to high
* Deep need for approval
The Melancholy As a Friend
* Lives through others
* Insecure socially
* Withdrawn and remote
* critical of others
* Holds back affections
* Dislikes those in opposition
* Suspicious of people
* Antagonistic and vengeful
* Unforgiving
* Full of contradictions
* Skeptical of compliments
I hardly found anything perfectly matching me… may be i may realize these things later..
If you are really interested in killing time and not taking things seriously.. do take this test here
My depression results January 22, 2007
Posted by TiDeS in Thought Provoking, psychoanalysis.add a comment
| Disorder | Your Score |
|---|---|
| Major Depression: | Very Slight |
| Dysthymia: | Slight-Moderate |
| Bipolar Disorder: | Very Slight |
| Cyclothymia: | Very Slight |
| Seasonal Affective Disorder: | Very Slight |
| Postpartum Depression: | N/A |
| Take the Depression Test | |
Result seems to be good for me..
-TaruN
I am depressed about by depressed test results! January 22, 2007
Posted by innqubus in Thought Provoking, psychoanalysis.add a comment
Results are out. Its me Innqubus. Here they are….
| Disorder | Your Score |
|---|---|
| Major Depression: | Moderate |
| Dysthymia: | Slight |
| Bipolar Disorder: | High |
| Cyclothymia: | Extremely High |
| Seasonal Affective Disorder: | Slight |
| Postpartum Depression: | N/A |
| Take the Depression Test | |
